We are so afraid of the word fear that we name it all kinds of other things to pretend it isn’t fear. Anxiety, stress, on edge, panic, worry, nervousness, concerned and scared.  Sometimes we even morph our fear into other emotions like hurt and anger.  We act out our fear by being irritable, blaming others, lazy, isolating, busy, partying, and even smiling and laughing.

So does this mean we are all afraid all the time. No. It does mean, in my opinion, that we are coping with things that we are often either magnifying or minimizing the fear factor.  Mental health is not about getting rid of fear or anger or grief or whatever emotion is going on. Being mentally healthy is about recognizing emotions for just what they are, feeling them for the moment and letting them go when they no longer serve.

Try just recognizing the many faces of fear in your own life. Just label them, and notice how long they hang around. Notice how much energy you are putting forth to pretend it isn’t there or to avoid feeling or taking care of the source of that fear.  Think how much better you would feel if you didn’t spend all that time renaming, pretending fear doesn’t exist or fighting fear in so many various ways. Now, one more step further, what if you could actually enjoy all that extra time and room in your mind with having fun and smiling because you’re happy rather than to cover up your fears.  Just think about these things, be careful to be kind to yourself and not slip into beating yourself up because you aren’t doing the happy dance instead of the fear tango. (grin)

So much has been discussed about forgiveness. Have you ever stopped to really think about it? What is it, and does it automatically include forgetting?

Most of the time forgiveness is blended with the need to let go.  Consider that forgiveness is not about the one who did the hurting. So forgiving isn’t about letting the other person off the hook. It’s actually about our own healing, our own happiness. When we hold on to a grudge or refuse to forgive someone, it is hurting only us. The other person is hurting only themselves by however they THINK about what they ahve done.  See that these are two separate things?

Let’s say Terry and Sandy are good friends. Terry lies to Sandy. Sandy finds out that Terry lied. Sandy is angry, Terry feels guilty. Time goes by and they don’t speak. Terry continues to feel guilty. In the meantime Sandy has forgiven Terry, but they haven’t spoken about it. A year later they bump into each other at the store. Terry still feels bad, but Sandy hasn’t even thought about it in months.  They talk about it, and Sandy tells Terry to relax, all is forgiven. Terry still feels bad.  See how the two are separate stories?

Forgiveness is not about the one who did the hurting. Forgiveness is about healing our own wound with or without the other person’s involvement.

So, if I designed my own life before I came in, then I should be able to re-design it while I’m here now.  I think we can.

My experience in working with clients is that we have planning meetings with other souls prior to each lifetime. During those planning meetings we set objectives for our soul and the committee helps us design the basics for our lives to help us meet those objectives.  I think of it is planning for a vacation.  We don’t plan every single moment of a vacation, but we often will plan to see or do certain things so we can have certain experiences.

My sense is that some of us have very ambitious souls and we may plan for more than we can deal with gracefully.  Since we have chosen to forget that we planned it for ourselves, we tend to name this experience as “a hard life”.  We can easily get caught up in how difficult life is and loose the focus of how many really great things happen in our lives and that amplifies the troubled spots.  Ever have to come home from a vacation to rest?

I think we can change or lessen the harshness of life by learning to change the focus from how challenging our lives are to how grateful we are for the blessings we have. I do know how trite this sounds, and yet when I really feel the gratitude, I do truly feel better.  I also think we can change the harshness of our lives by changing our situation, and by talking to our Angels and Guides and letting them know that you want to soften your life.  Learn lessons quicker, rather than waiting for things to be so difficult you can’t handle it.

I believe we can learn our lessons in joy rather than suffering.  I know that one of my lessons is learning how to be joyful, how to allow others to love me, and how to receive good things from others and the universe itself.  So not all lessons are painful. (warm smile)

Self Healing, in my opinion is actually what is at the foundation of all healing, even when it appears to be coming from outside of our own being.  Healing is about getting systems back in balance.  When we heal ourselves we are making decisions to feel better, be better, act better or live better.  The confusing part is that so many times those decisions are being made below our own awareness.  This lack of awareness make it feel like we aren’t deiciding or choosing the healing ourselves, but that the healing is happening to us.

Energy work is just one of the best ways to clear out the blocks we have below awareness that stop us from accepting or allowing us to heal ourselves.  Other ways to help let go of those unconscious choices is through mental health therapy or counselling.  Self-Help books are wonderful for beginning the awareness process.  After all, we have to become aware that we are NOT aware before we can become aware that we are NOT aware. (grin)

Remember to pretend you are worth nurturing. You might imagine you are a queen, a king, a movie star or whoever you think would be worthy of nurturing or “spoiling”.  Then try some simple things first.

Become aware of a time when you may be pushing through discomfort, and you don’t really need to do it that way.  For example: You make some hot tea or coffee and it’s too hot to drink. Maybe you would just drink it anyway and burn your tongue, but this time try adding an ice cube and feeling the love for yourself as you do this little extra thing for yourself.  Even something as simple as getting yourself a drink when your thirsty, can become a nurturing and loving act.

Here are a few more ideas, go ahead and get creative and think of some of your own, I”d be tickled to see some comments here on ways to nurture ourselves.

Soaking in a warm tub of water after a long workout.

Watching a mindless movie to unwind.

Taking a day trip with no schedule except to have fun.

Listening to music and do nothing else but feel it, hear it and enjoy it.

Cry just because you feel better afterward.

OK, your turn.

Someone asked me to talk about Self Nurturing.  It just so happens this is one of my favorite topics. Let’s start with what it is. You would think that just reading the term would be self-explanatory, and I suppose it is on the surface.  However, nurturing ourselves is not something most of us are taught as kids.  In fact, we are taught not only to NOT nurture ourselves, but to neglect and even abuse ourselves.

Did your parents ever say to you something like, “Be sure to give your friends the biggest piece of cake, or the most frosting, or the prettiest, or the nicest…” Of course this is good manners, it’s a way to be nice and civilized to others.  If that’s all we were learning and being taught as kids, things would be just fine.  However, most of us learned lessons underneath that message of “I’m less than everyone else.” “Asking for what I need is wrong or rude”. “If I complain about anything, I’m being selfish, even if I have a legitimate complaint.”  We grow up learning NOT to nurture ourselves.

Can you recognize these thoughts in your own mind?

How to ground is very simple and quite individual.  You can try various techniques and choose what seems to work best for you.

1.  If you can get outside, that’s a really great way to get grounded. Sitting or laying on the ground.  Have you ever noticed that calm, quiet feeling you get when sit down or go camping and lay on the ground?  It’s like you’re letting all the static energy go into the ground and fall off of you.  Anywhere in nature will do that.  If you can’t get outside, then either imagine or remember being in nature or hold a rock in your hand or put your hand in the soil of a potted plant.

2.  Imagine you are a tree.  Your roots go deep into the earth and your limbs stretch up toward the sun.  this is a nice way to ground while you are doing healing work on yourself or with someone else. You are grounding yourself in both the earth energy and in spiritual “higher” energy.

3.  Wiggle your toes in your shoes, stroke your face with your fingers.  this helps you to remember you are in the moment, in your body.

If you have other grounding techniques, I’d love it if you’d share them here with other readers.

So many people want to know how to stay grounded in a world so full of distractions, drama, chaos and sensory overload. I believe grounding is certainly what is needed, so let’s start with what grounding is, by definition. The way I’m using it here is all about being in the here and now.  Some may use the term “centered”.

When I’m grounded I feel calm, no static or buzzing energy, my inner thoughts become quieter and slow down, my nerves stop jangling.  I’m simply gathering myself all in one place and facing what IS.  Being grounded is the deepest power there is while we’re in human form.  When we are grounded we are focused on our own truth, our own needs, our own values, our own moment, and so the choices we make from this space will be our own.  When we make choices that belong to our own heart, then we also take full responsibility for our choices, no one to blame.  That concept can be a little scary, yet it is also true power.  If we are making our own choices, we are responsible for the outcome, then if we don’t like how our choices are creating our lives, we can change our lives by making choices that match who we are more fully.

Can you think of some times in your life where you have felt totally present?  You may have heard the term “In the Zone”.  I think those are moments of clarity, moments of deep grounding.  Until we really understand what it is, these “Zone” moments sort of “accidentally” happen.  Just think how much more “In the Zone” moments we can have when we learn to intentionally go to and stay in “The Zone”.